Haters gonna hate, but I don’t wanna go there.
In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey writes that “one of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present. When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those who are present.”
Suppose you and I were talking alone, and we were criticizing our supervisor in a way that we would not dare to do if he were present. Now what will happen when you and I have a falling out? You know I’m going to be discussing your weaknesses with someone else. That’s what you and I did behind our supervisor’s back. You know my nature. I’ll sweet-talk you to your face and bad-mouth you behind your back. You’ve seen me do it.
I can’t say I’ve been a saint since I read those words so many years ago. I’ve indulged in my fair share of gossip and behind-the-back complaints; it’s an easy way to let off steam and get a quick high at someone’s expense. But you know what? It’s empty calories.
So I do my best not to participate whenever I can hold myself back – not just because I want to build some integrity, but because I don’t want to be consumed by hate.
Negativity breeds negativity, and nothing good can come out of it. Once the beloved subject of negativity goes away, those who indulge don’t let it go. They simply find someone else to be negative about – their hate has caught them in a vicious loop, and they can’t find any other way to feel better about themselves anymore than to beat someone else down. I’ve seen it happen too many times, and it’s a real slippery slope from your first line of poison to a heart full of hate. But you know what? Don’t pick it up, and you won’t have to put it down.
It’s real easy to tear someone down, especially when he’s not there. It’s much harder to build someone up and affect real change. One takes from the table, one brings something to it. In the wise words of Will Smith in his song Just the Two of Us:
Throughout life people will make you mad
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too
Respect.