Lessons Learned at 30

I turned 30 last Thurs­day. Look­ing back on my 20s, I’d be lying if I said there were things I didn’t wish I’d done dif­fer­ently, but mostly, I’m happy and grate­ful for the expe­ri­ences I’ve had. If I had a chance to go back in time and share with my 20-year old self the lessons I’ve learned in these last 10 years, this is prob­a­bly what I’d say.

1. Play, Exper­i­ment, Learn

I know you want a lot of answers. The thing is, impa­tient as you are, some answers won’t come imme­di­ately. They can’t. They can only be bought with expe­ri­ence and time.

Right now, be okay with not know­ing. Play. Exper­i­ment. Learn. Use your 20s to dis­cover who you are, what you love and what you want to con­tribute to this world.

You will be scared, but some­times fear will point you in the direc­tion where you need to grow most. Don’t chase per­fec­tion, you won’t get it. And don’t con­fuse knowl­edge for expe­ri­ence; the answers you seek will lie in action, not end­less navel-gazing.

Photo by Pink Sherbet

2. Work to Learn

If you’re ever offered a choice between doing some­thing that will help you learn but pays less and doing some­thing that won’t teach you any­thing but will make you more, go for the learn­ing. You’ll be mak­ing and los­ing money all your life, but what you learn will always be a part of you, and with­out fam­ily depend­ing on you or a mort­gage to ser­vice, you can still afford to be a lit­tle broke.

When I was 25, I vol­un­teered for nearly a year at a place called Adam Khoo Learn­ing Tech­nolo­gies Group in their per­sonal devel­op­ment train­ing pro­grams as a coach/facilitator. Some of the pro­grams paid (lit­tle), most didn’t. My bank account hov­ered between triple and dou­ble dig­its that year, I ate cheaply and didn’t buy a lot of things – but I learned so much there I was a dif­fer­ent per­son when I left.

Look­ing back, I’m sure that if I hadn’t made that jour­ney as a coach, I would still be as lost and neg­a­tive as you are now, and I would never have learned to stretch myself and stay pos­i­tive. Was I broke? Yes, and it was a bitch. But for what I got in return, I’d say the price I paid was worth it.

3. Learn to Make

There are two ways you can make your way in this world; you can make or you can take. Those who make cre­ate value. Those who take can only take the value that cre­ators make.

It doesn’t mat­ter if you’re a sculp­tor or an accoun­tant, you can always find a way to cre­ate more value. Some peo­ple spend a life­time pol­ish­ing skills that only allow them to take, but they will always be depen­dent on those who make, and they’ll never be able to break free and gain their own independence.

The life of a maker will always be more enrich­ing, and as you enrich the world you’ll find your­self enriched in turn. Whether it’s a pho­to­graph, dish, busi­ness, friend, sale, become a maker of things and bring new cre­ations into the world.

Get Excited and Make Things by Matt Jones

4. There’s Some­thing More Impor­tant than Failure

I know fail­ure can be fright­en­ing. But for all you do your best, you’re going to have moments where you take a big step for­ward only to fall flat on your face. It hap­pens to every­one; liv­ing a per­fect life free from mis­take is just not possible.

It’s embar­rass­ing and dis­heart­en­ing, I know. But to learn and grow, you have to take chances and that means you’ll win some, you’ll lose some. If you’re not pre­pared to be wrong, you’ll never come up with any­thing orig­i­nal. Once you accept that some­times you’ll fail, you’ll dis­cover some­thing far more impor­tant: the abil­ity to bounce back from fail­ure and keep going anyway.

Be will­ing to try despite the risk of fail­ure. Because keep­ing your­self safe from fail­ure will also keep you safe from success.

Photo by Tom Grundy

5. Stretch

A friend of mine advised me once to never get too com­fort­able, and she was right. Per­haps the most pow­er­ful les­son I learned dur­ing my stint as coach at AKLTG was to stretch myself: to chal­lenge myself to do the things that scare me but help me grow.

You must do the thing you think you can­not do, because the face of your fear is at the lim­its of your com­fort zone – which is another name for your sphere of power. If you don’t step out of your com­fort zone, you’ll never increase your per­sonal power and your fear will have you. Stretch.

6. Have Your Own Yardstick

In your 20s, you’ll see some friends rise up in the world, and inevitably you’ll some­times find your­self mea­sur­ing your­self by their achieve­ments. In addi­tion, the world will also try to enforce upon you mul­ti­ple def­i­n­i­tions of suc­cess. A man can go crazy this way, try­ing to mea­sure up to all these things.

But there is really only one true mea­sure­ment you need to con­cern your­self with, and that’s your own – don’t waste your time chas­ing after other people’s dreams. Dis­cover what’s impor­tant to you, dis­cover what you want, and do your best to live accordingly.

7. This Way Only Comes Once

I remem­ber what it feels like to be 20 – the world wide open and the future full of pos­si­bil­i­ties. Yet I want you to remem­ber that this way only comes once, and you’ll never get a sec­ond chance to pass it again.

So seize the day, and don’t waste it with petty peo­ple or con­cerns. Stretch your­self and live as much as you can, with what­ever you’ve got. The days, weeks and years will be over before you know it. This applies both to all the good times you think will last for­ever and the dark times you think will never go away.

8. Care for the Peo­ple You Love

You will see peo­ple and friends die, and it’ll always be sad and sur­real at the same time. It’s some­times hard to believe, but it’ll remind you of the lim­ited time you have on this planet, a fact often forgotten.

There will be those who won’t like you no mat­ter what you do. It doesn’t mat­ter. The peo­ple who love you and whom you love do, and they won’t be around for­ever. Make the extra effort to be with them and enrich their lives with your being. Work, money and things will come and go, but the peo­ple who’ll stick with you through the vicis­si­tudes of life are what mat­ter the most.

Photo by Hamed Masoumi

9. There is No Path

For all the for­mu­lae and proven meth­ods you’ll hear in the next 10 years about life and how to live it, there is only one truth, beau­ti­fully told by the Span­ish poet Anto­nio Machado:

Wan­derer, your foot­steps are
the road, and noth­ing more;
wan­derer, there is no road,
the road is made by walk­ing.
By walk­ing one makes the road,
and upon glanc­ing behind
one sees the path
that never will be trod again.
Wan­derer, there is no road –
Only wakes upon the sea.

There are no crys­tal balls and guar­an­tees, only best guesses and gut feel­ings. Don’t try to copy some­one else’s path. Be true to your own heart and find your own way. Good luck.

Photo by extranoise

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