9 Keys to Building a Blog You Can Make Trillions From

As a coro­nary to my 9 Keys to Build­ing a Blog You Can Be Proud Of post, I thought I’d write this tongue-in-cheek con­trast (this blog post itself is worth $37, so read up!).

9 Keys to Build a Rock-Solid Turnkey Blog That Will Make a Tril­lion Dol­lars For You While You Sleep – Even If You Have One Hand Tied Behind Your Back & No Fuck­ing Clue

1. It’s All About the Money

Keep your eyes on the prize, honey.

It’s not build­ing a blog you can be proud of, it’s not writ­ing because you enjoy writ­ing, it’s not post­ing intel­li­gent, care­fully crafted arti­cles that make peo­ple think. It’s espe­cially not about shar­ing your pas­sion with other peo­ple in an authen­tic voice that doesn’t make you cringe.

It’s mak­ing a tril­lion dol­lars while the authen­tic peo­ple hug trees and snort wheatgrass.

2. Get Rich or Blog Trying

While hippy tree-huggers are talk­ing about fol­low­ing your bliss, I’m talk­ing about fol­low­ing the cold hard cash. If it’s some­thing you’re pas­sion­ate about but it won’t make the bucks, drop it like it’s hot. A hot dead dog, that is. While we hold the cash, because it’s cold and you can hold cold stuff like that.

3. It’s Not Copy­ing – It’s Inspired

There are mil­lions of peo­ple out there say­ing the same thing over and over again – so you’re lucky you won’t have to make up any­thing new. Just copy, copy, copy, paste and change a cou­ple of words – it’s not uno­rig­i­nal, it’s inspired.

4. It’s All About You

Imag­ine mak­ing truck­loads of cash just by writ­ing about what you had for break­fast and how nobody loves you – its a lit­tle magic we call per­sonal mar­ket­ing. So post that video of your­self chok­ing on potato chips while you talk about how you haven’t had a date in years and watch the cheques beat down your door.

5. Use Viral Words to Get Marketing

Use the exact same viral words experts are using to gen­er­ate 120% prof­its while they lie on beaches rub­bing sun­tan oil on hot Brazil­ian mod­els. And the best part is you don’t even have to think about what to say: just say what they say the way they say it and soon you’ll have your own hot and oily model to get viral with!

6. Recy­cling – Good for the Planet and Good for Blogging

Evolution’s for the dinosaurs. It’s totally okay to say the same 3 to 4 things over and over again in a few hun­dred dif­fer­ent ways. That’s the secret turnkey sys­tem that will triple your income while your kit­ten takes a nap (that’s right, it’s so easy your kit­ten could do it falling asleep).

7. Walk­ing the Talk is for Lame People

Here’s the Good News: on the Inter­nets nobody knows if you blog about adven­ture moun­tain climb­ing but you’re really a fatso stay­ing in a dingy base­ment who hasn’t stepped out of the house in weeks. Walk­ing the talk is for peo­ple with jobs, real blog­gers make money the smart way: by thought-leadering.

8. Traf­fic Is King

Make the peo­ple come, then build it. We’re talk­ing SEO, link-bait, link exchange, paid links and Alexa rank­ings, baby. With Page Rank like that, you won’t need com­pelling con­tent at all to make your trillions.

9. Be Just Like One of the Boys

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Blog­ging has made us bil­lions – after all, we say so on our blogs – so why try to be orig­i­nal? This is your chance to be one of the cool kids. Be just like us, do exactly what we’re doing, and you too can be rich and famous on the Internet.

And here’s a bonus key, just because you’re so awesome.

10. Fol­low My Rules Unless You Want to End Up Yesterday’s Eight­ies Star

Nobody wants to be yesterday’s eight­ies star. There are real secrets to blog­ging suc­cess that they don’t want you to know about – and I know all of them. And they can be all yours for the cut­throat price of only $899.99, and that’s cut­ting me own throat!

P.S. But if you order within the next 17 hours, they can be yours for only $499.99 – which is prac­ti­cally steal­ing from my bank but I’m okay with it!

Related Posts

1. How to Have a Pop­u­lar Blog
2. Life Coaches Blog Gives to Con­ser­va­tion International
3. 3 Elec­tri­fy­ing Secrets™ to a Madly Suc­cess­ful Blog